What Ever Happened to Good Old-Fashioned Bad Guys?
by llamasdontbite
Summary: After the fall of the empire, our favorite set of twins decide to take some time off... but it's not long before the galaxy needs their help once again This starts slow but I promise it will pick up! Contains: tons of explosions, plenty of nasty head injuries, secrets, betrayalls, and general chaos. Oh, and one really big, really nasty, really evil hole in the ground. Please RR!
1. Chapter 1

This is the story of how Luke and Leia managed to get themselves kicked out of all civilized parts of the galaxy, how the bad guy gets what he wants, and how Han Solo became fond of ewoks. This story begins just days after the second Death Star was destroyed. While the galaxy celebrates, the last surviving jedi and his sister decide to take some time off…

The _Millennium Falcon_, oldest ship in the galactic Starfleet and pride and joy of Han Solo, came to a landing on the soft sand. The two suns of Tattooine shone brightly overhead in the clear blue sky. Somewhere a bird let out a shrill cry.

The ship's gangplank lowered to reveal four figures standing at the top.

For once in her life Leia was at a loss for words. The past few days had been a blur. All the parties, the ceremonies, the hand-shaking and the congratulating had made her world pass her by like a pleasant dream. Now here she stood, ready to stride forth into the unknown once again- to embark on another adventure. Just then the world had caught up with her.

"So it's goodbye then?" Han's right hand twitched like it always did when he was uncomfortable. So Leia threw her arms around him. That always made things seem better. She may not have understood her feelings about all the changes, but she did know she would miss the ever-annoying space captain. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. "In a few months it might be safe to visit us."

He slipped gently out of her grasp. "I'll be seeing you again, your highness," he said gripping her arm.

Leia squeezed his hand one last time and turned to say goodbye to Chewbacca. Before she could change her mind, Chewie scooped her up in a gigantic bear hug…or wookie hug.

"Take care, kid," Han gave Luke a slap on the back. "And don't ever buy stuff from those street vendors. Whatever it is, it's either stolen or fake."

"Thanks Han, I'll watch out," vowed Luke, smiling at this bit of ridiculous advice. It was fun to see the real Han Solo coming out after the war was finally over. A huge weight had been lifted off everyone, and Mr. Carefree Space Pirate was no exception.

Eventually the time came for Luke and Leia to go. After one last goodbye, the twins descended the gangplank and stood ankle-deep in the warm sand. Han and Chewie turned away, the ramp sealing shut behind them. In almost no time at all the _Millennium Falcon_ was disappearing into the huge blue sky. Luke put his arm around his sister as they watched their old life vanish. She leaned her head on his shoulder, silently grateful for the support. Even after the ship was gone, she stared after it. Here she was, alone in a world where she didn't belong. A world where her reputation didn't matter anymore. Almost alone, she corrected herself, except for Luke! This was Luke's old home. She had helped him adjust to a new world, and now it was his turn.

"You ready?" Luke broke into the silence. He pointed to a leather bag sitting nearby on the sand. "We've got a whole bag of disguise stuff waiting for us!"

Leia grinned and dove in with him. Han had produced that bag from a closet somewhere when they told him they had no way to conceal their identities. It's not easy for celebrated heroes to take some time off in a huge city, but this stuff would make it a little easier.

A few minutes later, the two of them were barely recognizable. Luke looked as if his nose was broken in several places. He also had a long curly mustache and had hidden his blonde locks in a thick black wig. If Leia's new face was ever featured on the cover of a children's picture book, the kids would have nightmares for weeks. Through the magic of contact lenses, both her eyes were washed out to look completely white. Her hair was braided with sticks and pebbles. The surface of her face was ridden with scars, and around her eyes and mouth boiled an unheard of mass of scar tissue and fake tumors.

"Yup, that should do it," Luke commented, not sure whether he should laugh or cry.

"I can hardly recognize you," Leia smiled back at him. She wondered why Luke was staring at her that way

They packed up what little things they had and turned their heads toward the city of Mos Eisley which loomed about a kilometer of desert away.

"You ready for this?" Luke glanced down at his sister, who seemed pretty small right then.

"I suppose I'll have to be," she looked at him and took a deep breath. Suddenly she made up her mind. She grabbed his arm and started dragging him toward Mos Eisley, "Come on, let's get going!"

And just like that the two made their way across the dunes toward a brand new adventure.


	2. Capitulo Dos (Spanish)

Chapter 2

Mos Eisley was pretty big. The streets were crowded. The suns were hot. Dust was everywhere, and something smelled like sweaty banth. Under normal circumstances, this place would have been active Princess Leia repellant.

Today was different. For one, all the stinky people were partying. But mostly, Leia was so excited to be normal that she would have taken on whole herds of those freaky drunk guys who watched her from the alleyways.

One thing she did forget, however, was the fact that she was one of them. Complete with vacant eyes and oozing face, she was a sight to behold. This was her new identity, for better or for worse. It would take some getting used to, but she could have some fun with her new face.

As they neared downtown where all the people were celebrating, Luke protectively pulled her closer to his side. Instead of feeling safer, this gesture made Leia wonder… what was there to be afraid of? When they rounded the last corner, she knew.

There were people everywhere. People on the ground, people on balconies, people on the rooftops, people leaning out of windows. They were all happy to celebrate the start of something new for the galaxy. The feelings of immense joy in those people almost made Leia want to throw off her hood and show them all who she really was. But then she and Luke would be stuck being heroes and Leia would never have time to achieve what they came to do. Yeah, they wore wigs for a reason.

"We've got to get through that," Luke said, pointing at the mass of people. "The place we're looking for is just on the other side."

"Couldn't we go around?" Leia suggested.

Luke shook his head. "Those streets are tricky. I don't want to risk it."

"All right then. What are we waiting for?" Before she had time to think, Leia plunged right in. That was a bad idea.

Immediately the two were sucked into the swirling vortex of bodies. Leia quickly lost all sense of direction. The only thing to do was keep forcing her way forward. Maybe when they reached the other side they could get their bearings.

On and on and on they jostled their way through. Somewhere a mother called for her child. A fight broke out nearby between two drunk men. Eventually the crowds began to thin. Leia could see an open area just ahead…

Suddenly she froze. Standing before her was a small boy. Leia guessed he was about ten years old. He stared, Leia stared, Luke stared. Finally the boy spoke.

"You're…You're…Luke Skywalker. And… Princess Leia?"

Leia snorted. "Princess of nothing!" As soon as those words were out of her mouth, she wished she hadn't said anything.

"Then it really is you!" The boy whispered.

Luke did his best to cover up her mistake. "Vhat are yoo talking about?" he grinned winningly and put on a fake accent. "Who ees dis Luke of which yoo make speek?"

The boy was not fooled. Luke tried a different tactic.

"Look, we need you help," he leaned close and whispered. "We're on a top secret undercover mission right now, and nobody is supposed to know who we are. Can you do us a favor and make sure this stays our little secret?"

That worked. The boy nodded, an eager grin spreading across his face. He took one last look and scampered off into the crowd.

"Nice going," Leia commented. "How do we know if he'll tell anyone?"

Luke smiled. "What are you talking about? He's part of our mission! A legion of wookies could never drag that secret out of him," he shrugged. "What can I say? I guess I'm just a natural with kids!"

Leia smacked his arm and forged on. Who cared if it went to his head, as long as nobody knew who they really were.

Luckily, when they finally extracted themselves from the thong, they found themselves on the right street. Luke produced a piece of paper with the address on it. The followed the street deeper and deeper into the residential district. The distant sound of cheering could be heard fading into the distance. Eventually, the silence descended fully down upon them. Their two sets of footsteps echoed through the tall buildings. Sometimes Leia thought she heard a third set following them, but when she looked over her shoulder she could see no one.

After what seemed like an eternity of wandering through the maze, they arrived at the place on the paper.

A sign outside the door read:

**NO DAIRY PRODUCTS OR PETS ALLOWED!**

Another sign said:

**IF YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY OR DRINKS, GO AWAY!**

Leia took a deep breath. This was going to be interesting.


	3. hoofstuk drie (Dutch)

**I now have the honor to present to you…finally... Chapter 3!**

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Once upon a time, Luke Skywalker closed his eyes. This is what he saw.

…..

Luke stepped out onto the dusty street, a box of spare parts in his arms. The suns seemed to bear down on him in particular, all their heat and intensity focused on one tiny spot. That was why nobody else was out and about. Nobody else, that is, except for a cloaked figure thirty meters down the street. Sorry…I've got this thing with cloaks. Just to add some variety to our bad guys, I'm going to take off the cloak this round.

Anyway, Luke didn't pay much attention to this uncloaked figure. There were plenty of shady characters roaming about on Tatooine, and he didn't particularly want to tangle with any of them, cloak or no cloak. However, as you have probably guessed, Luke was not about to get his wish.

"How old are you, boy?" a strong hand gripped Luke's collar and he jumped.

"Six- sixteen standard years, sir," Luke sputtered. The hand tightened.

"Your name?"

Luke hesitated, trying to place the strange accent. He thought he'd heard it before, but then again, he hadn't been exposed to many outsiders on this desolate rock.

The hand flipped him around and plastered poor Luke to a nearby wall. The hand was no longer just a hand. It now connected to a boy about Luke's age. Anyway, this hand gave Luke a shake. "Your name, boy!"

Luke stared up into his aggressor's green eyes. At least, he thought they were green. They were supernaturally flickering with shades of red and yellow. These eyes seemed to literally pull the answer straight out of Luke's mind, which really wasn't that far from the truth.

"Luke Skywalker," the stranger muttered. "That's a dangerous name for a shrimp like you to carry around. Tell me about your father," he purred. "What have they told you?"

Under normal circumstances, Luke would have talked dramatically less. This however was not normal. He just couldn't stop himself. "He-he died before I was born. I never knew him," Luke sputtered. "My uncle says he was a great pilot, and fought the Clone Wars."

The boy inched his face closer to Luke's. "Is that all?"

Luke bowed his head and replied, "Yes. They won't tell me any more."

The boy backed up, an arm outstretched toward Luke, who tried to make a break for it. As you can probably guess, something still kept him pinned where he was.

"Call for help," the uncloaked figure's voice hissed in Luke's ear, even though he was a good three meters away. "And if anyone bothers to come to your aid they will find you beyond assistance."

Luke kept his mouth shut.

The boy pulled a comm. link out of a pocket (not out of the folds of his cloak, because he didn't have one.) "Be advised, I've secured the son. He doesn't know much, so he's not a danger right now. He wouldn't need to be killed."

He listened to some hardly articulate sounds coming from the comm's speaker. He nodded, answering, "Yes, Master. I will do as you say. Delta out."

Turning to Luke, the boy grinned. "Look kid, I don't want to do this any more than you want me to do it. Make this easy and it won't hurt much."

Luke shoved frantically against the barrier holding him down. This time, something told him to imagine it turning to dust around him. Odd, but it was his only chance. The wall softened. It broke.

Without hesitating, Luke threw a punch at the boy and in that instant of confusion, prepared to leap into his speeder.

The grip that had held his collar so tightly caught Luke's elbow, twisting his arm painfully behind his back and tossing him to the ground. A cry formed in Luke's throat, but it's pretty hard to get air in your lungs when somebody bigger than you is kneeling on your back.

Luke heard an ominous supernatural hum above him. He could feel heat on the back of his neck.

"Why are you doing this?" Luke whispered. "What have I ever done to you?"

The boy, in his moment of victory, was obliged to do a bit of gloating. "You have done nothing to me. It's what you will do. Why, unless I kill you, you will bring the entire galaxy to ruin."

…

Luke emerged at long last. There he sat, alone in the small apartment he and Leia had been renting for the past year. He was seated at a roughly and cheaply made wooden table. The warm light from the suns filtered in through a huge window that took up most of one wall. He had spent countless houses just staring out of that window- it was the only thing that kept him sane sometimes.

Luke realized with a start that it was now late in the afternoon. How long had he been out? Oh well, it didn't matter. This was not good. Many strange things had happened to him when he was young, but no doubt this one had been the most unsettling. It's not every day you almost get killed by a creepy stranger. For years it had festered in the back of his mind- the one thing that he knew should make sense, but fore some reason or another he kept drawing a blank. Before, he'd always tried to keep that memory where it belonged at the back of his mind.

So what was it doing here? Why now? One does not see terrifying old memories like that while meditating unless something bad was going to happen. If that was the case, he had to figure out what it meant. All the old questions started to bubble to the surface. _What did they want? Who was that guy? Who was he talking to over the comm. link? Most importantly, how did this guy know my father, and what was it he wanted to make sure I didn't know?_

Luke set his elbows on a table and cradled his head in them. This was going to be tough, but he had to know…He just had to!

This time when he closed his eyes, he just focused on connecting to the Force. He felt its ebb and flow, rippling and swaying as outside life went on. He didn't search for images, only the energy of the universe.

Immersing oneself in the Force could have been compared to wading into a lake. You step in bit by bit, starting with just your toes. As you go farther in, you could begin to have more fun playing in the water, and eventually swimming wherever you wanted to go. Every step farther introduces another nuance. You had to be careful though, because out there somewhere unseen was a drop-off point, and if you ventured beyond it, you would suddenly find yourself floundering helplessly.

When Luke took another casual step deeper into the Force, something hit him like a falling boulder (he had never been hit on the head by a huge rock before, but he imagined it would probably hurt). Evil. The sneaky, slithery kind that creeps its way into everything and by the time you notice it, everything is lost. Somewhere in the galaxy, a new bad guy was loose. Luke tried to probe further, but his usual pathways were all blocked, as if someone knew he would try to find out more. Before he had time to panic he began to ease himself out of his trance, but no matter what he did nothing could shake the dark presence weighing on his shoulders. Yup, now it was time to panic.

He stood up and strode over to the large window and pensively surveyed the city. People swarmed the streets like ants, each going about their business completely unawares of the Thing threatening their peaceful lives once more. Luke loved them all. He had grown attached to this place. This was his home, and these were his people.

From the other side of the city he could feel Leia's emotions, and he could tell that she felt the danger too. Her sensitivity to the Force was nothing short of remarkable, and she was a natural at all things jedi. Yet both of them knew it was time to leave this safe-haven. After all, what good were two jedi who didn't save the galaxy every once in a while?

Luke went back to his seat at the table. One thing still plagued him. The Force wouldn't send him two completely unrelated clues at once. That thing that happened to him years ago had to be connected somehow to this new threat. It had to be important, but how? He hoped that by the time he figured it out, it wouldn't be too late.


	4. Chapitre quatre (French)

Leia gasped and pulled off her comm. link headset. Something was stirring. She felt a chill on the back of her neck, like something was trying to creep up on her. She tried to keep a smile on her face as she pointed throngs of scowling businessmen upstairs to her boss's meeting. She probably should have been concerned, since the company was headed downhill, and if anybody was going to be laid off, the smiling receptionist lady would be the first to go.

But the more she tried to focus, the harder it became. She felt like something dark and evil was lurking in every nook and cranny. It weighed her down, restricted her breathing, and muddied her thoughts. She started to sweat.

She reached out for her brother who was back at the apartment on the other side of town. One advantage to learning all the cool jedi tricks was the fact that their bond was stronger than ever. She could tell he was feeling the same way, but just as they began to connect to each others thoughts more closely, a fresh horde of angry, well-dressed men charged in the door. Leia snapped out of it.

"Third level, first door to the right!" She grinned innocently and pointed to the elevator.

When they were gone Leia closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried again wit Luke. But it was too late. Luke was gone. One thing she knew though, was that it was time for the jedi to re-enter the political scene. It would only be a matter of time before there was trouble.

Leia, being the detail-oriented type, started to go through all the practicalities of a trip back into what she considered civilization. No matter how dire the situation became, there was no getting around the fact that they needed a ride. The money she and Luke had managed to save up could cover the cost of food for the journey, but there was no way they could buy a spaceship. Nobody in Tatooine would ever fly the both of them so far without a very high fee. It just couldn't be done cheaply. What if there was someone who they could contact that would come pick the up? The only friend that came to mind was…Han Solo.

Leia slammed her fist on the desk. He was definitely NOT an option. Why, oh why did his name keep coming up? There had to be a way to stop that name from plaguing her day after day. Life could be so much easier. She felt tears begin to rise.

_Stop!_ She told herself. _The galaxy needs strong women, and strong women don't cry._

"Miss Fisher! I have some important news for you!" Mr. Speigel materialized in the lobby, flanked by half a dozen businessmen, frothing at the mouth. Leia hastily dabbed away all evidence of tears. She stood and prepared herself to hear what he had to say.

"Your help has been invaluable to this operation ever since I hired you, and for that I thank you," the pudgy CEO of _Intergalactic Gadgets_ began formally. "Unfortunately, our company needs to downsize, and we just can't afford to pay you anymore. I'm sorry, but I have to let you go."

The men in suits behind him started to mumble amongst themselves and began to filter out the door in clumps. Each one shook hands firmly with the little fat man and said something along the lines of, "I knew you would make the right decision! Now don't forget to cough up all the money you owe me as soon as you can. Have a good day!"

When all of them had gone, Leia started to gather her things. Ordinarilly this would be a terrible loss, but because she was probably leaving anyway, it was either quit or be fired. Then she had an idea. A wonderful idea, a marvelous idea. And it just might work.

"You know," she said, turning to her boss who was intently examining a pen. "It's too bad you couldn't find any extra money from _outside sources_… I heard that local law enforcement pays pretty well if you can give them useful information."

The fat man looked up from dissecting the pen. "That would be pretty handy, if I had any juicy information, but what do I know about crime?"

Leia smiled. She had him interested, now for the easy part. She smiled. "Let's not worry about what you don't know, and work on what you could know. After all, sometimes the only thing you really need can be sitting right before your very eyes."

"What are you even talking about?" He kept fiddling with the remains of his pen.

"Did you hear about who went missing after the war? Both the Skywalkers just up and disappeared as soon as everything settled down! Everybody's just given them up for dead, but I know better. As a matter of fact, they were forced into hiding by a renegade band of storm troopers. I heard they've been stuck right here in Mos Eisley, unable to get away! I'd be willing to bet there would be a huge reward for anyone who can help get the galaxy find and rescue them!"

Leia awaited a reaction but nothing spectacular came. All he said was, "What is your point? I told you, I don't know anything helpful."

"Oh, but you could! I know where they are. You could be rich! You could pay off all your debts!" Leia tried her best to keep his attention.

Mr. Speigel crossed his arms. "Oh, I get it! You don't want to be fired! You're trying to trick me!"

That was the last straw. Leia gave up all pretenses of subtlety. "No, you don't get it! My name is not Miss Fisher. It's Leia! I'm trying to help you here!" Just in case that didn't do the trick, she peeled off her mass of scars, popped out her contact lenses, and let her hair down. Before her old boss could say anything, she grabbed a new pen from a drawer, scribbled the address of her apartment on Mr. Speigel's hand, snatched up her cloak and swept out of the room.

The poor man just stood there and stared after her, amazed. That is, until he came to his senses and headed downtown with the address. Leia never heard from him again, but as far as she could tell, he did get his money.

…..

Another perk of becoming a jedi was the getting to wear a big comfy cloak whenever you needed to feel extra mysterious. Now was one of those times. As soon as she hit the street, Leia donned her hood and kept her head down. Wouldn't want to spoil the fun now, would she? She had grown used to her second face, and now felt naked being on the streets without it. Oh, well. With luck, she wouldn't need it anymore anyway. Also, it gave her an excuse to wear her cloak for some reason other than the weather, which didn't change much on that desolate rock.

When she arrived home, safe and undiscovered, Luke was staring out his window again. It had to be unhealthy, the amount of time he spent just standing there, but nothing Leia could do kept him from his window. She figured it was where he went to collect his thoughts, and they both knew he definitely had some thoughts to collect today. He made no move to acknowledge her arrival, even though there was no way he didn't know she was there.

Leia came up beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder. The suns were setting in all their fiery glory. It was a beautiful sight to behold, and Leia never got tired of seeing it. However, she didn't pay attention to any of that tonight.

Eventually, it was Luke who broke the silence.

"Well done Leia, finding us a ride back to the capital."

Leia was not startled to discover he knew all about everything that happened. After all, the poor man had nothing to do but stare at the back sides of buildings all day, and it was all too easy for him to watch life instead from his sister's eyes.

She smiled at the thought of her accomplishment. "It's only a matter of time before they find us, and then they'll be more than happy to fly us back to the capital!"

Luke looked down slyly. "So besides fighting evil, I'm getting the feeling that there's more to this. It wouldn't have anything to do with Han, now would it?"

Leia sighed. With Luke, she could hide nothing. She nodded. "It's been a long time since he went down, but I know he's still alive somewhere. I heard him say something over the radio about Endor, so that's where we need to look first. I think I could convince someone to let us go after him."

Luke hung his head and put his arm around his sister. "It's just been so long, Leia. He was a leader in the Starfleet, so I'm sure they've looked everywhere for him. They're professionals. If they couldn't find him…"

Silence.

Leia had to throw something out there to ease the situation. "I can't believe everyone thinks we're dead!"

Luke did not think that was funny. "That's what worries me," he said quietly. "It seems ridiculous they would throw in the towel without really looking into it. It's almost as if someone wanted us to be forgotten."

Leia's eyes widened. "Could it be the same person who radiates all this evil in the air?" she wondered.

Luke didn't need to answer.

There was a sound at the door. It hissed open slowly. The twins turned around, both knowing full well what awaited them. There stood a local officer, with two familiar-looking fighter pilots hot on his heels. They looked like they had just found the holy grail of missing personnel. Leia took one last look at the sunset, for she knew she wouldn't see it again in person for a very long time.


End file.
